Residency/Newborn Life

So life is a little overwhelming right now. I'm struggling being a mom to a 6, 4, 2, and almost 3 week old.

My husband is in his 1st year of residency. He struggles with feeling inadequate at work. He doesn't feel like he knows enough. At times, if we didn't owe so many student loans, he would probably just quit on the spot and walk away from it all.

Todd works long hours, six days a week this particular month. I am home just trying to make it through each day on this winter break. I nurse the baby what feels like all day long. My older children are going stir crazy. And I wonder how the heck we are going to get through this. I know there are tons of people out there with 4 or more kids and they are doing fine. Maybe it was a struggle for them, maybe not. But it definitely is for me. I can't give my children the attention I feel like I need to. I can't hold my sweet 2 year old as often as she would like. I can't take my son out and play soccer or basketball or tennis with him. We tried. It's just not going to happen right now.

It's 7:08 right now and I am on the couch typing this, just crying like a baby. Sometimes you just need a good cry. Then maybe you'll feel a little better afterward. I'm usually like that. But I think this is more. We are just at a crazy time in life. I love this little Elizabeth but I have felt depression set in during my pregnancy with her and now after she is here. It doesn't help not getting much sleep, I'm sure.

These tiny humans need so much from me and I'm trying my best but feel like a failure. I feel like I should love nursing and connecting but I don't. I wish I could stop but I can't get Elizabeth to take a bottle anymore. My husband helps put the kids to bed after we rush through dinner and baths but ends up putting himself to bed too. So there is no connection time with my spouse. I miss my dear husband. I know he's exhausted. He's struggling. I'm trying not to show how hard this is for me but I don't think I'm doing a great job of it. Neither of us can really be there for each other right now. So life just keeps moving and we try to keep up with it. We just make it through each day because you have to do what you have to do.

Life is hard. I know I'm richly blessed. I know we will get through this. I know things will get a little easier (or we will just get better at dealing with it). But for right now, it's just hard.

Kaitlyn Ann Eichelberger

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Jacob William Eichelberger

Jacob William Eichelberger was born on June 2, 2011 at 2:53 p.m., weighing 8 lbs 4.6 ounces. We are so happy to have this little guy with us! He is now 3 months old, but I wanted to go back and write down what I remember from his birth before I let any more time slip away.

This delivery was extremely different than my first experience with Matthew. I had some extra appointments near the end of my pregnancy due to high blood pressure. I was induced 3 days early with Matthew for this same problem. With Jacob, my blood pressure was high, but not quite high enough for my doctor to feel I needed to be sent to the hospital. We were going to hold out and make it to Tuesday so my doctor could deliver Jacob. Dr. Snow went ahead and stripped my membranes and then set an appointment for me that Thursday to follow up. Instead of showing up for my appointment, I showed up at the hospital. Wednesday night I started having contractions. I want to say they started around midnight. I couldn't sleep and I kept watchin
g the clock trying to time them. There were about seven minutes apart for a few hours and then about 5 minutes apart. I was pretty uncomfortable and decided I should finish packing my hospital bag. By the time morning rolled around, I was having some pretty strong contractions. My dad was going to be the one staying home with Matthew while were in the hospital, but I went ahead and sent him to work thinking I would just go to my scheduled appointment and see what progress baby and I had made. No more than 10 minutes after he left I was on the phone with my sister, Kim, asking if she could watch Matthew for the day. It seemed like the contractions were 3 minutes apart now and I was so uncomfortable. We dropped Matthew off and made our way over to the hospital. It took some time for them to call me back into a room but it was exciting news once they did. Turns out I was already 5 centimeters dilated and they were going to keep me there! However, it was a pretty busy day for them and no rooms were available yet so I had to wait around downstairs until one opened up. That was frustrating because I was ready for an epidural but had to wait until I was taken upstairs. By noon I was up in a room and preparing to receive the epidural. I was given the epidural and I felt some of the pain go away. The contractions still seemed so strong but I thought it would all be better in a few minutes. I also had horrible back pain. I was feeling really frustrated and kept asking for them to check my epidural. It was not working. After about an hour or so they finally came back in to check the epidural only to find out it had come out. I knew it wasn't working right, it wasn't even in! So, I told them I wanted to try again. Trying to sit up without moving through 8 or so strong contractions seemed impossible. I kept saying I couldn't do it, but all the nurses, the doctor, and Todd were so encouraging. The anesthesiologist was still trying to fix the problem when I felt that urge to push. There was so much pressure I told them all it was time. So, we gave up with the epidural and started pushing. Within 10 minutes Jacob was out and I was waiting to hear his little cry. It took several minutes for that little guy to cry. His chord was wrapped around his body (twice). I didn't get to hold him right away and I just remember being slightly out of it. Everything was just a blur. I was worried because he wasn't crying right away and they went to work suctioning him out since he had a bowel movement inside. They did let me hold him for just a minute once they cleaned him up but then they had to take him away for 2 or so hours to observe him and make sure all was well. It was hard not having Jacob with us for a few hours. Todd was able to go and see him and let me know that Jacob was doing just fine. I wasn't able to nurse Jacob right away though and we did have some trouble with breast feeding in the beginning. No cluster feeding going on with this little guy. It was pretty frustrating since I thought I'm not going to make milk if he's not trying to get any. Have you seen a picture of this boy lately though. He's definitely not starving:)
After a wonderful hospital stay (the nurses/staff were awesome) Jacob and I were about to be released that Saturday afternoon. I received the go ahead from my doctor and Jacob's paperwork was being put together. The nurse decided to check his bilirubin levels one more time. He was starting to look slightly yellow. Jacob's bilirubin level was too high and he had to stay an extra night in the hospital. I wasn't able to stay because we weren't able to reach our insurance company to find out if they would cover another night for me. Silly weekends. That's also why we couldn't just check out the lights and bring Jacob home with us. No one was at the hospital to take care of that for us. It was so hard leaving the hospital without Jacob. It was only for one night but I was very sad. We went home and I was able to put Matthew to bed. How I missed my Matthew. He was so happy to have mommy and daddy home again. The plan was to try to go several times that night back up to the hospital to feed Jacob but Todd and I never woke up early like we intended. We slept until 6:30, when I woke up crying because we just left our baby at the hospital and how I was a bad mom because I didn't go back up to see him. It was probably good that we got 6 straight hours of sleep that night but I felt so bad. We got dressed and headed over to the hospital. We were able to do his feeding and then went home while he went back under the lights for a few more hours. By lunch time Jacob's biliruben levels were down and we were able to take our sweet little boy home with us. We are so grateful to have our two miracle boys!

Baby Eichelberger

Todd and I saw our newest little gummy bear on Monday and we were able to hear our baby's strong heartbeat (140). That might possibly be the best sound ever! We feel so blessed and are excited for our growing family. Here is a picture of Baby Eichelberger:


I'm sure the pictures will look like more as this baby grows:) I just love it though, so perfect!

We made the appointment a family event so we could take a picture with Dr. Loy. I wanted to bring Matthew in when he was a baby but I never did. So here we are with the wonderful doctor who is helping to bring these miracles into our lives.

Dr. Loy is very optimistic about this pregnancy and I can now continue my appointments with my regular OB. I have my first appointment next Friday, so of course I will be super excited all week:)

Lizards

Matthew loves to watch Lizards outside the sliding glass door. He understands when I say lizard and comes over to check it out. Love this boy!

Driven By A Blind Man

As my friend was driving me to the airport she spotted the back of this van:

So I tend to be pretty gullible. Thinking aloud I said, "no, that's not possible, is it?" Yet part of me wondered. I feel so silly now, especially as I relayed the story to Todd. He reminded me that you have to pass the vision test when getting your license. Duh! I almost failed that myself last time! Anyway, it was just too funny because as we switched lanes and approached the side of the van, we saw that it was covered with a logo for blinds, shades, and various window treatments. I still crack up when I think about it. It just never crossed my mind when I saw the back of the van, yet it seems so obvious now that I know:) Good times!